i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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