conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
