I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
