So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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