I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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