I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
