we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
