cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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