i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
