you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
