I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
