the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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