I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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