So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I met the friendliest cop last night
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
