that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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