I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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