Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
