I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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