She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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