My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
