i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
