I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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