And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
