This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
