Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize