apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
