I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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