Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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