he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
