May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
