I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
last night I used snow as a chaser
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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