Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
