I'm pants shitting drunk right now
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize