Moan for me like Helen Keller
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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