The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
