I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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