Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think your dad took our porno
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
