I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize