I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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