He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
only you would photoshop your dick
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
