she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
