I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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