Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
