After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
