i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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