holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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