walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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