I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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