He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
