Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
