This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
