I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
