Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
