You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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