dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize