If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
