Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
