is your mom at the bar?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
