my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
