he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I licked your asshole in confidence.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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