So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We named our party play list daddy issues
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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