i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
high people should be assigned attendants
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
3pm strippers are depressing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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