My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize