I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
