You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
