why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
