They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
