He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
